My next book

A Game of Jones

The series begins with Tom Jones being asked to be the chief advisor (known as the Hand of the King) to King James Earl Jones. Tom and his wife Catherine Zeta receive a letter from Catherine's sister, Shirley that gives them reason to believe that the rival House of Jones - to which the King's wife January belongs - was the cause of the previous Hand's death. Tom must travel south to help the king and find out who killed the previous Hand of the King, Tommy Lee Jones, while trying to protect his family from the other Jones. As he tries to uncover the reasons behind Tommy Lee's death he uncovers the dark secrets about the other Jones that Tommy Lee himself died trying to expose.

Meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea in the continent of Essos, the exiled, arrogant Ed "Too Tall" Jones, son of the former king whose throne was usurped, believes he still has the rightful claim to the throne. He marries off his younger sister, Grace Jones, whom he has psychologically and physically abused for years, to the leader of the Dothraki warrior tribe, Quincy Jones, in an exchange for an army to return to Westeros and take the throne. However, Grace's growing love for Quncy and newfound mental strength as the Khaleesi of the tribe mean Too Tall's plans go unexpectedly and powerfully awry.

And beyond the wall, Tom's bastard son Davy joins the Night's Watch, an ancient brotherhood sworn to watch over the massive Wall that separates the Seven Kingdoms from the dangerous unknown beyond. But an ancient force, long believed dead, threatens the land.

A vitriolic rubbish update

Reportedly, Steve Ballmer submitted the winning bid for the L.A. Clippers of $2 billion...because he can.  He's the guy that ran Microsoft for 13 years, while it's stock went from $60 to $30 and stagnated there.  He couldn't even manage to keep his hometown Supersonics in Seattle, having moved to Oklahoma City.  Seriously, who moves to OK City by choice?

You know who should go to Oklahoma?  Donald Stirling.  That racist get's $2 billion more. That just doesn't seem just.  I mean he bought the team for $12 million.  Sure, they struggled fruitlessly for years, causing undue frustration and aggravation. Try being a Cubs fan Stirling.  Try being a decent human being.  The NBA should have stripped the ownership and sold off the team themselves.  Hopefully, he'll get the heck taxed out of him on the sale.

I guess old Ballmer felt me breathing down his neck.  I know Oprah got spooked, withdrawing her bid.  Alas, I was only able to submit a bid of $1.9 billion, based on book sales to date.  So don't blame me, dear reader, if the Clippers turn into the Zune of the NBA.  What's a Zune?  Exactly.  So run out today.  Buy Trader Joe - a novel, available on Amazon, now.  And maybe the Ricketts' family will be ready to unload the Cubs.

Game of Chicken

I was going to do a "List Monday" ranking my favorite chicken dishes...but why do a list, when you can do a bucket, i mean, BRACKET?  Winner, winner chicken dinner.  Behold:

Paperback Writer

Now available in tasty paperback!  Hurry while supplies last.  Won't stay ranked #85,832 in the Amazon book store for long (yet ranked much higher in the online pet supplies store).  Get your's today.  All sales final.

Bill Murray on love

Bill "Frickin'" Murray crashed a bachelor party the other day.  This is the advice he offered:  "If you have someone that you think is the one ... take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And ... when you land at JFK and you're still in love with that person, get married."  If I have learned only one thing in life, it's always listen to Bill Murray.  That's the fact, Jack!  

This is how I know my wife loves me.  She can not stand eggplant, and yet she whipped up this fabulous eggplant parmesan dinner.  Delizioso!  And the wife too!!

Vitriolic blog rant on the state of pop rubbish

The wrong person "won" on American Idle (the populous must have lethargically assumed that the deserving crooner would get sufficient ballots).  Not only could Jena Irene out sing that Rock Star parody Caleb What's-his-name, but she could play piano and re-work a classic tune to "make it her own."  Anyone can smash a mic stand.

In Survivor, the co-finalist chose the wrong person to accompany him to the final tribal council.  The martial arts instructor chose the wily cop, who outplayed him the entire game, to compete against because he was the strongest competitor and victory over the best would be the most honorable.  He chose poorly.  Nothing honorable about losing out on a million bucks.  Sometimes the big move is to look out for you and yours.

And Mad Men is on a year long mid-season hiatus.  I mean, come on!

I know that these are beyond first world problems.  They're actually only frustrations in the overtaxed world in my head.  It's actually a delightful world, where I am King and the sky is green.

In the real world, Kimye's royal wedding tour get's more media coverage than a crazy dude who shoots up a college.  University's are supposed to be a haven - a protected enclave for higher learning and a refuge for one's coming of age.  I know it manifests the chaotic randomness and preciousness of existence, but I got a kid just 4 years away from flying the nest.

Should've been Jena Irene!!!!

I don't have the spare neurons to worry about that stuff.  I mean I have to keep all the Games of Thrones characters straight and deal with an e.r.a. league-leading pitcher who just received his first win a Cubs uniform in 275 days.  That's a lot of days.  Almost as many as their are GOT characters.

Forget Solange and Jay-Z's altercation.  We should be focusing on stricter gun control laws (although the Lannisters might disagree).  Ridding the world of racism.  And solar frickin' roadways (they're awesome - youtube it!).

And now that I am a professional author, having sold my magnum opus at least 7 times (Trader Joe - a young man's journey to option trading nirvana - available now on Amazon!), I have decided to do something about it.  With the cash  rolling in and time on my hands, I will be submitting my bid to purchase the Los Angeles Clippers.  The sooner that ass clown Stirling is gone, the better.  I wouldn't mind if he took Mark Cuban with him.  And Kimye (where's a good Red Wedding when you need one? - not that I espouse violence).  Now, I just need to sell enough books to outbid Oprah (has she written a book lately?).  I'll let you know how it goes.  Or, I'll just watch America's Got Talent...So, buy the book and make this a better world!