Old man dog...

Happy 13th bday to our practice son, Acadia's Couer de la Mer Fozzie the Bear.  He may be 91 (dog years), but he's still got that spunk (another great dog, btw).  We love our little man in a fur coat.

A conversation between Fozzie and Cubby - II

Characters:

Fozzie as Old Man Dog (OMD)

Cubby as Young Pup (YP)

Scene:

Dogs on couch

YP:  Why do you always get the middle of the couch?

OMD:  (Yawns) Because I'm not a furry blob named Cubby.

YP:  Hey, it's all muscle old man.

OMD:  I know, you're a horse.  

YP:  I'm a Portuguese water dog, just like you.

OMD:  Speaking of which, it's been awhile since our last bull session.  

YP:  I told you, I'm a PWD.

OMD:  It's time for another tête-à-tête.

YP:  A what?  That sounds dirty.

OMD:  A powwow, a confab, a convo...let's rap.

YP:  Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind...

OMD:  Not that kind of rap.

YP:  Don't be dissing snoop d-o-double-g

OMD:  I'm more of a Beastie Boys dog, myself.  Anyway, let's chat.

YP:  I got a better idea, let's chow.

OMD:  That's half your problem.  And another thing, stop chewing up things.

YP:  Things?  What you mean things?

OMD:  Umbrellas, cartons of milk, your pride.  Keep it up and they'll think you're a Bichon!

YP:  They are pretty frizzy.

OMD:  Oy.

YP:  Speaking of which.  A Bichon walked into a bar with a duck under his paw. The bartender saw them and said, "Hey, what are you doing bringing that pig in here?" The Bichon answered, "That's not a pig; it's a duck." And the bartender replied, "I was talking to the duck!"

OMD:  That's quacktastic.  But let's get back on a point...

YP:  Oh, this Pointer walks into a bar with dog poop on his snout and says to the bartender, "Look, what I almost stepped in."

OMD:  Wocka wocka.  

YP:  That's why they call you Fozzie Bear.

OMD:  And you're Miss Piggy.

YP:  No, it's not a pig; it's a duck!

OMD:  You're going to need to duck if I have to come over there!

YP:  You were saying...

OMD:  Now, the days grow short.  I'm in the autumn of my years...

YP:  Sing it, Frankie...

OMD:  You're missing the p....no, I'm not going to say it

YP:  drats

OMD:  Anyway, I won't be around forever...

YP:  Where you going?  For a fun ride in the car?

OMD:  No.  Someday - to that great dog beach in the sky...

YP:  Can I come with you?

OMD:  No, young pup, it's not your time.  Besides, you have a job to do.

YP:  I'd rather play at the beach.

OMD:  When I'm gone, you will be in charge of the humans.

YP:  But I'm just a puppy...what do I have to do?

OMD:  You must guard the house and protect the family.  You certainly have the bark for it.

YP:  Woof!

OMD:  You must chase away any vermin, especially rabbits--not that you'll ever catch them.

YP:  I'll get that pesky rabbit yet!  Almost, got a lizard once.

OMD.  Sure you did.  You must vacuum up all crumbs those sloppy humans drop.

YP:  Yummy.

OMD:  And most importantly, provide cuddly warmth during those cold Cali nights.

YP:  Can do!  But, I'll miss you, old man dog.

OMD:  I'll miss you too, young pup, despite how pesky you were when you were little.

YP:  Well, that's certainly a lot of food for thought, especially the crumby part.

OMD:  Ugh, that's all you think about - eating!  I'm changing you're name to Chubby.

YP:  Well, you're scrawny.  I'll kick you're old man butt.

OMD:  Size matters not, ... Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?

YP:  Whoa, Portie mind trick...

OMD:  Much to learn, you still have...

A conversation between Fozzie and Cubby

Characters:

Fozzie as Old Man Dog (OMD)

Cubby as Young Pup (YP)

Scene:

Living room, Fozzie on couch, Cubby in playpen

YP:  OK, the two-legged non-furry ones are gone.  Let's find the trash

OMD:  (Yawns) sounds like fun but you are surrounded by a metallic fence

YP:  Damn my lack of opposable thumbs
OMD:  Sucks to be you
YP:  Last I sniffed, you don't have thumbs either
OMD:  But I'm not stuck in a playpen
YP:  Despite all my rage, I am still just a dog in a cage
OMD:  It's "rat" and this is a family blog, no plagiarism
YP: (Sung, or more likely, howled) nobody knows the troubles I have seen
OMD:  Keep the whelping down you whippersnapper, trying to take a nap here
YP:  You're always napping
OMD:  I need a nap from my nap
YP:  Don't you want to go out and run, to chase imaginary rabbits, to dig, to get into the garbage, to romp like a banshee!

OMD:  And that's why you're in a cage
YP:  Don't you yearn to be free, to feel the wind in your fir, to sniff strangers' crotches
OMD: Freedom is overrated.  i'll take my daily square meals and this comfy couch, and the occasional crotch
YP:  That's it?  isn't there more to life than sleeping and eating dry kibble?
OMD:  Mmmmm, kibble.  Yeah, there's doggie treats too
YP:  I'm talking about the big picture - a supreme furry being
OMD:  You mean like Snoopy?
YP:  I was thinking more like Pluto
OMD: I don't believe in DOG
YP:  Huh?
OMD:  Sorry, I'm dyslectic agnostic
YP: But why are we here?  dammit man answer me!
OMD: First of all, don't call me "man".  I wouldn't want to be of the two-leggeds.
YP:  Why not?
OMD:  Well, you know how we lick ourselves?
YP:  Yeah, because we can!
OMD:  Exactly.  very few of the humans can do this.  and they work for cirque du soleil
YP:  Whatever that is
OMD: And B, we are here because we were bred
YP: Bread?  white or wheat?
OMD:  In your case, toast.
YP: Buttered?
OMD: Like your picky.  i've seen what you've scarfed out of the garbage
YP:  Mmmmm, garbage
OMD:  No, I mean bred, like, we were born to be pets for the tall folk
YP:  Like an animal in the zoo!
OMD:  Only with better benefits
YP:  But if we're no better than fish in a bowl, how do we know if we matter?
OMD:  Latro ergo sum
YP:  (Scratches behind his ear)
OMD:  I bark, therefore I am.  Does that answer your question?
YP:  Ahhh, that's the spot (still scratching)
OMD:  Fine, then don't ask me questions if you don't want the answers (yawns)

YP:  Fine.  How 'bout us dogs play some poker?

OMD:  zzzzzzzzz

My 5 favorite movies

1.  Afterhours -  Martin Scorcese at his most experimental.  This absurdist story of a man trying to get home while haunted by paperweight bagels rings true for me.  Perhaps, having first watched it while altered in college, I still find this movie fascinating--from the story, the acting, and especially the cinematography.  Like they said at the Globes, the Cecil B. DeMille award should be renamed the Scorcese.  This was a close call over his other movies,  Goodfellas and Casino.  The storytelling, violence, tracking shot into the Copa, and especially his musical tie-ins make Marty the best.

2.  Godfather 2 -  Slight edge over G 1, largely due to DeNiro as the young Don.  Possibly the best storytelling and acting ever.

3.  Reservoir Dogs -  Pulp Fiction or Inglorious Basterds probably could have made this list.  But Dogs is the movie where Tarantino bust onto the scene with some raw chutzpah and a unique cinematic style.

4.  Robin Hood -  The classic, no Kevin Costner, Men in Tights or upcoming Russell Crowe.  The story itself is timeless.  But it's the charisma of Errol Flynn that makes this make the list.  George Clooney, Clark Gable, or Clark Griswold are pale imitations.  And you can't beat the swashbuckling.

5.  Gone with the Wind - pure epic.  Before there were miniseries.  Avatar, rising like a bullet -- might knock this off the list with some time.

Honorable mentions:  avatar, swingers, princess bride, my blue heaven, fiddler, big lebowski