The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 3 - The Escape

When we last checked in with our chubby hero, Cubby had been captured by aliens from outer space.  (As opposed to aliens from inner space?)  He was encaged by a dog-like race of, well,  dogs.  These demon dogs brought our struggling Portie, against his will, to the planet (ice rock) Pluto.  Where else were you expecting, Uranus?  They took him to a science lab manned (dogged?) by a scientific lab (generally more of a retriever than an empirical thinker). He was to be studied and probed, to determine if there was intelligent dog life elsewhere in the universe.  Could the Plutonian pooches integrate themselves amongst the Earth's doggy population.  Their ultimate goal:  to mark their territory and takeover the planet for all of dogkind.  Could our hero escape their canine clutches?  Could he save the Earth from their pawsitively diabolical plan?  Could he phone home without opposable thumbs?

He used an UFO to facilitate his escape -  an unidentified feasted object.  During one ill-conceived experiment, the lab fed our hero some foreign matter that has yet to be identified (possibly underwear?).  Later that evening, Cubby was left under the watchful guard of a couple of, well, guard dogs.  Suddenly, with a loud retching noise, the Dog of Steel Stomach projectile vomited the earlier ingested matter in the direction of the furthest guard, knocking him out.  Using his nuclear-powered paw, he gave a quick double karate chop to the thick neck of the remaining guard dog, sending him to doggy la-la land as well.  He skedaddled out of the lab's lab.

Before he blasted off of the icy rock, he had one final business to attend to.  Well, two pieces of business actually, as he had been cooped up for quite awhile and Cubby is nothing if not a house broken dog.  Finished relieving himself, he used his canine power of smell to sniff out the energy source of the Plutonian empire -  a kibble powered tractor/transport tower.  Cubby, known to have a hankering for kibble, ate the tower.  The Earth, its humans, and man's best friends were spared.  Once again, Suuuu-per Cubby had saved the day.

And with a mighty swoosh, our hero took off into the spacey skies and headed home.  As he zoomed towards Earth, Cubby miscalculated his re-entry speed for his now 60.5 pound frame.  He landed with quite a thud in his own backyard.  He was OK, but his hard landing must have caused the giant hole that was dug up in the flower bed....

.....to be continued......

Family at play

It was cold and rainy in San Clemente,

Coaching my first born, my Kunta Kinte.

Would we play little league in this tsunami?

I did not know, I am no swami.

With our furry portie,

a cute dog named Cubbie,

by the lonely palm tree

peeing like a banshee.

There too, brother Fozzie,

also a wavy portie,

dreaming of life at sea

eating kibble and a cookie.

Lovely bride Stephie

chatting with the paparazzi,

supporting her family

sipping a cool chianti.

And my darling daughter Jilly,

playing by the rhododendron.

Who's making this weather so silly,

ocelot's with a magnutron?

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 2 - The Captive

Superman had his kryptonite. Cubby had his kibble.  As the green ore renders the man of steel powerless, the tasty, crunchy vittles can overwhelemingly distract our canine crusader from all other endeavors.

And so it was that fateful foggy day, when the Balinese buccaneers moored their vessel along the San Clemente pier, in search of a worthy water dog.  To complete their crew, they needed such a pet to retrieve their fishing nets and to chase the scurvy vermin rats off their ship.

The land pirates made their way up into the hills, looking through their looking glasses high and low, until they came across the chubby Cubby.  With his bovine size giving away his weakness, the pirates left a trail of dog food down to the dock of doom.  Fozzie looked on with dismay as Cubby burst out of his playpen to pursue the tempting, tasty trail.  Wagging his tail, the Cubster obliviously  wound his way onto the frigate.  Our hero was quickly enslaved, destined for the hard life of manual doggie labor.

The ship set sail.  And it wasn't a three hour tour.  After several days out at sea, the sailors ran out of kibble. They had to resort to feeding the dog pirate food.  The Arrrrby's was a rare treat, but Cubby emerged from his trance.  At dusk, Cubby managed to slip away and hid out in the ship's bird's nest.  They never found him there because a)who would think to look for a dog in a bird's nest and 2) there was no trail to follow as Portuguese Water Dogs don't shed.  The horsey sauce combined with Cubby's mutated DNA, caused a weird gaseous reaction within his belly.

At th stroke of nightfall, Cubby, with the explosive intestinal chemical build up, his nuclear powered legs, and his aerodynamically designed webbed paws, flew into the sky.  He flew and flew.  First he hit space.  Then he hit outer space.  He kept flying towards the Milky Way, or as it is known in the canine world, the Milky Bone.  Guided by Sirius, the dog star, seriously, our hero kept flying through the cosmos.

Just as he felt safe that he had escaped the Balinese bad boys, and slightly hungry, a translucent teleporter beam tracked onto our fearless fur ball.  Cubby had been abducted by aliens....

....to be continues....

                                                                                        -based on Josh's dream

A conversation between Fozzie and Cubby

Characters:

Fozzie as Old Man Dog (OMD)

Cubby as Young Pup (YP)

Scene:

Living room, Fozzie on couch, Cubby in playpen

YP:  OK, the two-legged non-furry ones are gone.  Let's find the trash

OMD:  (Yawns) sounds like fun but you are surrounded by a metallic fence

YP:  Damn my lack of opposable thumbs
OMD:  Sucks to be you
YP:  Last I sniffed, you don't have thumbs either
OMD:  But I'm not stuck in a playpen
YP:  Despite all my rage, I am still just a dog in a cage
OMD:  It's "rat" and this is a family blog, no plagiarism
YP: (Sung, or more likely, howled) nobody knows the troubles I have seen
OMD:  Keep the whelping down you whippersnapper, trying to take a nap here
YP:  You're always napping
OMD:  I need a nap from my nap
YP:  Don't you want to go out and run, to chase imaginary rabbits, to dig, to get into the garbage, to romp like a banshee!

OMD:  And that's why you're in a cage
YP:  Don't you yearn to be free, to feel the wind in your fir, to sniff strangers' crotches
OMD: Freedom is overrated.  i'll take my daily square meals and this comfy couch, and the occasional crotch
YP:  That's it?  isn't there more to life than sleeping and eating dry kibble?
OMD:  Mmmmm, kibble.  Yeah, there's doggie treats too
YP:  I'm talking about the big picture - a supreme furry being
OMD:  You mean like Snoopy?
YP:  I was thinking more like Pluto
OMD: I don't believe in DOG
YP:  Huh?
OMD:  Sorry, I'm dyslectic agnostic
YP: But why are we here?  dammit man answer me!
OMD: First of all, don't call me "man".  I wouldn't want to be of the two-leggeds.
YP:  Why not?
OMD:  Well, you know how we lick ourselves?
YP:  Yeah, because we can!
OMD:  Exactly.  very few of the humans can do this.  and they work for cirque du soleil
YP:  Whatever that is
OMD: And B, we are here because we were bred
YP: Bread?  white or wheat?
OMD:  In your case, toast.
YP: Buttered?
OMD: Like your picky.  i've seen what you've scarfed out of the garbage
YP:  Mmmmm, garbage
OMD:  No, I mean bred, like, we were born to be pets for the tall folk
YP:  Like an animal in the zoo!
OMD:  Only with better benefits
YP:  But if we're no better than fish in a bowl, how do we know if we matter?
OMD:  Latro ergo sum
YP:  (Scratches behind his ear)
OMD:  I bark, therefore I am.  Does that answer your question?
YP:  Ahhh, that's the spot (still scratching)
OMD:  Fine, then don't ask me questions if you don't want the answers (yawns)

YP:  Fine.  How 'bout us dogs play some poker?

OMD:  zzzzzzzzz