The Awesome Adventures of Suuuuuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Gifted with nuclear, electro-magnetic, and ocean-breeze powered strength, our hero loyally protects the homestead against threatening tyranny....especially lizards in the yard.  But, on occasion, a superhero may find himself with a lack of ferocious foes and, well, get bored.  Not knowing the full capacity of his own abilities, the Cubster, in a moment of weakness (and lack of a discerning palate), ate his Mommy's hand weights, a coke can, and a cardboard box.  Now, that's one tough (but cute) doggy.  Neither his toughness nor his cuteness, however, prevented him from landing in canine incarceration.  That's right:  puppy jail.  

Will eating weights make our hero's stomach stronger?  Will eating an aluminum can make a bowel movement worth recycling?  Will Cubby survive puppy jail?  Stay tuned for more exciting adventures of Suuuuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog of intestinal fortitude.....

Scene from a Cubby's walk

notice the little guy below

Suuuuuuper Cubby

Cubby doesn't like it when it rains:

Happy National Dog Day

Sure, he looks all innocent...but for National Dog Day, he celebrated by attacking a bag of goldfish pretzels and a CapriSun....respect the pouch!

Happy Birfday America

A new family tradition began (and possibly ended) today.  Hot dogs for breakfast.  Got to be more nutritious than Apple Jacks, right?  Anyway, we have long been fans of competitive eating and have followed the annual Nathan's 4th of July extravaganza, which comes on ESPN at 9:00 AM, our time.  This year's was a little disappointing.  Joey Chestnut, the defending champ, had no real competition as Kobiyashi sat out due to a contract dispute.  Seriously?  Doesn't he know that there's a recession going on?  The total count, 54, was way off last year's 68.  But not to be out-done, Super Cubby, stealthily snatched a dog during the excitement and had it down his throat in one gulp.  Wifey had to reach way down there, after releasing Cubby's jaw's grip of life, to extract said weenie.

Cubby is fine, p.o'd, but fine

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

It was a very sad day in the world of super heroes.  Our puppy has lost his special powers.  Today, Cubby, goes in for the snippety-snip.  Please, a moment of silence for his lost manhood...(I think Fozzie is snickering).

(no, that isn't a two-headed dog monster)

Literary Tuesday

Just finished reading Van K. Tharp's Trade Your Way to Financial Freedom, second edition.  Sorry Mr. Tharp but I don't feel any freer.  In fact, went into work today hoping to get some final training in before trading live tomorrow.  After leaving the house at 5:30, I arrived to find that the office didn't have any functioning internet.  More boring training videos.  I'll put off live trading until after vacation.

Took the kids to see How to Train Your Dragon in 3D today.  Fun movie.  Young vikings flying around on dragons a la Avatar and the pterodactyl thingies.  Funny thing was, the main dragon - Toothless - acted just like Cubby.  It was uncanny.  Except for the fire breathing....although Cubby doesn't exactly have puppy breath anymore.

Go Go Greene

Just settling in after a whirlwind trip to the desert of my past.  After blowing off ll practice (they lost without me on Sunday, btw, so it isn't me....although I am the one who picked the team - no fantasy baseball for me this year), we had an uneventful drive to my P's house.  I was feeling congested and unfortunately missed my old neighbors' St. Pat's party (Steph went and didn't get home til 2).  Had Micky D's with the rest and played some RummyQ.  I must have been sick because my Dad won once.  Sunday had some Dunkin' Donuts and took the wife and kids to a Cubs/Angels spring training game in Tempe.  It was hot, steep and full of bees.  The kids got autographs of Larry Rothschild, the pitching coach, and some prospect named Chris Robinson.  Three innings and $80 in food later the kids had had enough.  The Cubs went on to win.  Took Cubby to visit his rock star brother, Bugsy.  Dinner at NYPD.  Monday:  had breakfast at OverEasy, took the kids to school, Chipotle and the hotel.  Played taxi service between the kids friends' houses - Perry's, Max, & Katies.  Had a nice dinner in a choice hotel - the Westin Kierland, thanks to shopper wife.  Drinks, picked up the dogs (thanks Mom & Dad....and how about my Dad, walking the beast after going on an all morning hike - impressive), and back on the road (mmm, Popeye's).  Think the desert air cleared my congestion.  Need to go back and be more liesurely next time.  Now packing for Atlantis.

p.s...hope to get back on track with literary tues, geni wed, and novel thurs. soon....

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 3 - The Escape

When we last checked in with our chubby hero, Cubby had been captured by aliens from outer space.  (As opposed to aliens from inner space?)  He was encaged by a dog-like race of, well,  dogs.  These demon dogs brought our struggling Portie, against his will, to the planet (ice rock) Pluto.  Where else were you expecting, Uranus?  They took him to a science lab manned (dogged?) by a scientific lab (generally more of a retriever than an empirical thinker). He was to be studied and probed, to determine if there was intelligent dog life elsewhere in the universe.  Could the Plutonian pooches integrate themselves amongst the Earth's doggy population.  Their ultimate goal:  to mark their territory and takeover the planet for all of dogkind.  Could our hero escape their canine clutches?  Could he save the Earth from their pawsitively diabolical plan?  Could he phone home without opposable thumbs?

He used an UFO to facilitate his escape -  an unidentified feasted object.  During one ill-conceived experiment, the lab fed our hero some foreign matter that has yet to be identified (possibly underwear?).  Later that evening, Cubby was left under the watchful guard of a couple of, well, guard dogs.  Suddenly, with a loud retching noise, the Dog of Steel Stomach projectile vomited the earlier ingested matter in the direction of the furthest guard, knocking him out.  Using his nuclear-powered paw, he gave a quick double karate chop to the thick neck of the remaining guard dog, sending him to doggy la-la land as well.  He skedaddled out of the lab's lab.

Before he blasted off of the icy rock, he had one final business to attend to.  Well, two pieces of business actually, as he had been cooped up for quite awhile and Cubby is nothing if not a house broken dog.  Finished relieving himself, he used his canine power of smell to sniff out the energy source of the Plutonian empire -  a kibble powered tractor/transport tower.  Cubby, known to have a hankering for kibble, ate the tower.  The Earth, its humans, and man's best friends were spared.  Once again, Suuuu-per Cubby had saved the day.

And with a mighty swoosh, our hero took off into the spacey skies and headed home.  As he zoomed towards Earth, Cubby miscalculated his re-entry speed for his now 60.5 pound frame.  He landed with quite a thud in his own backyard.  He was OK, but his hard landing must have caused the giant hole that was dug up in the flower bed....

.....to be continued......

The week in review

Well, our Arizona company came and went.  A couple of Steph's lady friends and their daughters.  Jilly had a blast.  I survived the heightened estrogen levels.

Took the dogs to Laguna dog park.  Cubby had an especially good time (no, that's not Fozzie):

I had an especially good time riding the segway.  An hour and half of riding along the boardwalk and on the piers.  Quite fun at 12 m.p.h.  And no, didn't wipe out once.  Might have to get one.  Or an Ipad.

Well the San Clemente ASU Sun Devils are now 0-3.  After Josh struck out, he quit the team.  But on his second at bat, he got a hit.  So, he's back.  We were actually winning through 4 of the 6 innings, but then we fell apart.  My assistant is running the game on Sunday, so if we win, I know it's me.

Off to the accountant now.  That should be fun.

Family at play

It was cold and rainy in San Clemente,

Coaching my first born, my Kunta Kinte.

Would we play little league in this tsunami?

I did not know, I am no swami.

With our furry portie,

a cute dog named Cubbie,

by the lonely palm tree

peeing like a banshee.

There too, brother Fozzie,

also a wavy portie,

dreaming of life at sea

eating kibble and a cookie.

Lovely bride Stephie

chatting with the paparazzi,

supporting her family

sipping a cool chianti.

And my darling daughter Jilly,

playing by the rhododendron.

Who's making this weather so silly,

ocelot's with a magnutron?

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 2 - The Captive

Superman had his kryptonite. Cubby had his kibble.  As the green ore renders the man of steel powerless, the tasty, crunchy vittles can overwhelemingly distract our canine crusader from all other endeavors.

And so it was that fateful foggy day, when the Balinese buccaneers moored their vessel along the San Clemente pier, in search of a worthy water dog.  To complete their crew, they needed such a pet to retrieve their fishing nets and to chase the scurvy vermin rats off their ship.

The land pirates made their way up into the hills, looking through their looking glasses high and low, until they came across the chubby Cubby.  With his bovine size giving away his weakness, the pirates left a trail of dog food down to the dock of doom.  Fozzie looked on with dismay as Cubby burst out of his playpen to pursue the tempting, tasty trail.  Wagging his tail, the Cubster obliviously  wound his way onto the frigate.  Our hero was quickly enslaved, destined for the hard life of manual doggie labor.

The ship set sail.  And it wasn't a three hour tour.  After several days out at sea, the sailors ran out of kibble. They had to resort to feeding the dog pirate food.  The Arrrrby's was a rare treat, but Cubby emerged from his trance.  At dusk, Cubby managed to slip away and hid out in the ship's bird's nest.  They never found him there because a)who would think to look for a dog in a bird's nest and 2) there was no trail to follow as Portuguese Water Dogs don't shed.  The horsey sauce combined with Cubby's mutated DNA, caused a weird gaseous reaction within his belly.

At th stroke of nightfall, Cubby, with the explosive intestinal chemical build up, his nuclear powered legs, and his aerodynamically designed webbed paws, flew into the sky.  He flew and flew.  First he hit space.  Then he hit outer space.  He kept flying towards the Milky Way, or as it is known in the canine world, the Milky Bone.  Guided by Sirius, the dog star, seriously, our hero kept flying through the cosmos.

Just as he felt safe that he had escaped the Balinese bad boys, and slightly hungry, a translucent teleporter beam tracked onto our fearless fur ball.  Cubby had been abducted by aliens....

....to be continues....

                                                                                        -based on Josh's dream

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 1 - Origins

Born in the barren desert wastelands known as Chandler, the young Portugese water dog soon found a home with a mild mannered yet spastic family.  Said family shortly thereafter moved westward, within close proximity of the San Onofre Nuclear Generation Station -- or more pleasantly referred to as SONGS, an acronym which should soothe the slowly mutating population.  The constant sunshine, moisture in the ocean breeze, and the seeping radiation created a puppy of significant stature, quickly surpassing 60 pounds within his first 6 months.  He also developed the gastro-intestinal fortitude to eat an entire bag of topsoil, among other items not intended for digestion.  Plus, he has webbed paws.  These qualities were only amplified when Cubby acquired his additional, electrifying superpower.


Picture the darling daughter busily entertaining herself, playing Club Penguin on the pc.  As she's petting her puffles (it's part of the game), the ginormous puppy lays peacefully beneath her tootsies.  Quite the idyllic scenario.  Switch to moments later when daughter shouts, "Daddy! The computer turned itself off."  Enter Mwa, only to find, to my dismay, Cubby having chewed through, completely, the ac power adapter cord.  It was shocking - shocking that he didn't electrocute himself.   His two front paws, from the shins down, now glow in the dark, like a furry beacon of goodness.  His luminescent superpower proves useful in warding  off coyote packs, searching for edibles, and providing a nightlight to the bathroom.  Oh yeah, the replacement cord is $35.  Offspring will be computer-less for several days; that will teach 'em.

Faster than a sleeping bullet.

More powerful than two children.

Able to leap tall couches in a single bound.

Look! Down on the floor!

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's SuperCubby!

Yes, it's SuperCubby - strange visitor from another desert who came to California with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. SuperCubby - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare paws, and who, disguised as Young Pup, mild mannered Fozzie's "little" brother, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and Doggie Treats.

More Cowbell

Firstly, I'd like to give a big shout out to my P's for watching the two animals....and my dogs.  Thanks for driving out.  Sorry the canines took time to settle down after we left and especially for the dukey in the bedroom.  Didn't get to spend enough time together.  More cocktails!  Didn't even get a game of scrabble in.  Anyway, will see them again in March.  Planning a pilgrimage to Ho Ho Kam.  Go Cubbies.  BTW, placed a twenty on the flubbies to win the whole shebang.

Drove home today.  Pretty straight and easy.  Loved taking the 241 all the way into Oso.  Good to be back from that sin-filled Gomorra.  Spent half our trip (when not giving back the ephemeral winnings), planning our next vacation--a trip to the Bahamas.  And now for a brief psychoanalysis:  this is how my brain works.  Need to focus more on living in the moment, and not on the next place I need to be.  Probably part of my (now mostly latent) type-A personality, but as a blogger I need to appreciate the moment and observe the minutia.  Stop and eat the roses.

Had ll practice today.  It was run by a former Met (boo, hiss) named Lindsey.  Boom boom practice (golf clap).  Raising the bar (and pressure) on me for future practices.  Half of our team is starting to get it going. Josh banged his knee before practice and was not 100% (more mentally than physically, I think).

Speaking of Josh, he went to his first boy/girl cotillion last night.  He did great and had a good time.  Sorry that we missed it.  His grandparents (and little sister) got a big kick out of it.

Guess what?! I've got a fever, and the only prescription... is more cowbell

Happy VD

Survived our first ll scrimmage today...if you count a 21-5 drubbing as surviving.  Josh, actually, did a good job pitching...not much velocity but got the ball over decently.  Coaching was exhausting.

Off to VD dinner at Peking Dragon, yum, with the family.  Steph is miffed, but as I tell her:  everyday is Valentine's when you're married to me.  Besides, we're off to a romantic Vegas getaway in two days.

p.s.:  Cubby ate a week's worth of Max's food in one sneaky sitting.

My letter to Jillian

Dear Jillybean,

Thank you for a dynamite daddy/daughter day.  You couldn't have been any cuter getting your mani/pedi.  When the lady was buffing your piggies, you couldn't stop from giggling at the ticklish sensations.  You were a very helpful shopper while running my errands.  You were such the little lady when ordering your tomato bisque, Ms. Vicki's bar-b-que chips and a milk from the order taker at Paradise Bakery.  And you were so excited to get your 83rd Webkinz ( a clover puppy, whatever that is - and very generous to get your brother a portie Webkinz that looks just like Cubby).

Seriously, you're a fantastic girl with so much potential. You're so smart and funny.  You're smunny.  You more than hold your own with your big brother (in fact, you might be a little tougher), who I know you adore.  Stay close with him; you'll have a best friend to lean on for the rest of your life.  And when I see you with Cubby, I know you have so much love to give.

The fact that you're beautiful, and I'm not being biased, goes with out saying.  My fear is, with your looks and spunky attitude, that you will be quite the handful in your teen years.  Remember boys are evil and never chase them - let them chase you.  Have good taste because it will have to be somebody extra special to be considered good enough for my princess.  Boys are silly.  Happiness is your first priority, but no boy will define your success.  Whatever you do my favorite Daughter, I'm sure you will continue to fill me with abundant pride and joy.

Remember Mommy and Daddy love you very much.  Have a nice day.

Love,

Daddy

El primero de febrero

If February give much snow A fine Summer it doth foreshow.

- English proverb

January be gone.  Welcome the shortest, darkest of months.  The blog survived its first month, spewing its putrid prose on a daily basis.  Let's see if we can make it through this runt of a month, also home to:   adopt a rescued rabbit month, grapefruit month (really?), bake for family fun month, marijuana awareness month (no relation to the bake for family fun one), national condom month (again, no correlation), national spunky old broads month (no comment), national cherry month (the fruit, people!), pull your sofa off the wall month (can't make this stuff up), jell-o week, love a mench week  and the Olympics.   And now for some more babbling prattle:

Got a much better tree trimming quote today.  Made a day trade.  Showered the ocean stanking Cubster.  Watched the old man show.  Productive day.

Kind of got kind of a job offer.  Mathnasium wants me to tutor 4 days a week, from 3 to 7.  Now they need to see if they can work around my little league schedule.

Had our first batting practice today.  Got some real good little swingers on the team.  2 Dads helped out tonight, one of whom was a little gung ho.  Just realized we have a practice scheduled during the superbowl.  Who dat say dey gonna practice baseball?  Not I.  That will not do.  Not do at all, I say.

A day in the life in SLO

Woke up.  Got out of bed.  Dragged a crapmeat omelet down my gullet.  Off to the wineries and a taste before noon.  Enjoyed a nice viognier.  Took the dogs to a dog beach in Pismo.  Cubby took to it like a water dog out of water, romping like a banshee or a whirling dervish.  The Fozz was showing his age.  Hot Tub.  Off to cocktails, sunset and dinner.  Thank you wifey.

My letter to Joshua

Dear Josh,

My first born.  My prodigy progeny.  My Kunta Kinte.  Carry on-er (with some help from your cousin Sammy) of the Greene family name.  Keeper of the crest, if we had a crest.  With great power, comes great responsibility.  So, I just wanted to share some words of wisdom to guide you on your way.

Always shave with the grain of your future beard.  Cut your losses and let your winners run - never double up.  Don't wear white after labor day, unless you want to.  Never order pizza in a Chinese restaurant - but you knew that.  And don't walk through screen doors - you'll strain yourself.

Enough of the wisdom.  Because the truth is, that you're an amazing, super-intelligent, handsome and charming boy.  I couldn't be more proud of you.  From the moment you made your entrance into the world, eyes wide, taking it all in, wondering what all of the hullaballoo was about, watching how your mind works has been thrilling.  You absorb everything and know more than any 10 year old should know.  But there's so much more to learn.  You're very intense, often going through your obsessive phases.  Relax and enjoy.  Think a lot.  Figure out your moral compass and stay true to it.  Learn what you love so that you may love what you do.

I've loved that, through hard work and lots of education, I was fortunate (very) to be able to stay home and watch you and your sister grow up.  You've had a very special life so far - material things, fantastic vacations, nice homes in nice locations, your sister and your dogs.  I hope you can learn to appreciate these things because you've got it better than 99% of all the other kids out there.

 I know that being a stay at home Dad may not have set the best example for you, because someday too soon, you'll have to leave the homestead and make your own way.  We ride you hard on your homework and not as hard as we should on your chores (when I was your age, I was mowing the front and back), because we need to instill a work ethic on you somehow.  And if you think being a kid is hard, try being an adult.  The more I know about things, the less I know.

More wisdom:  always be nice and look after your sister.  Someday, she's going to have cute girlfriends that you'll want to date.  And date a lot - that's part of experiencing life and living.  You'll learn what truly makes you happy.  And that's your goal to be happy.  That's what it all comes down to.

Watching you grow up to be the sweet and smart young man that you are makes me happy.  More than words can express.

I love you son,

Dad

p.s.  And Cubby, your dog, is still a pup and sometimes hard to handle, even biting you at times.  But someday, when you're a grown-up, you may realize he was the best friend you didn't even know you had.