The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 3 - The Escape

When we last checked in with our chubby hero, Cubby had been captured by aliens from outer space.  (As opposed to aliens from inner space?)  He was encaged by a dog-like race of, well,  dogs.  These demon dogs brought our struggling Portie, against his will, to the planet (ice rock) Pluto.  Where else were you expecting, Uranus?  They took him to a science lab manned (dogged?) by a scientific lab (generally more of a retriever than an empirical thinker). He was to be studied and probed, to determine if there was intelligent dog life elsewhere in the universe.  Could the Plutonian pooches integrate themselves amongst the Earth's doggy population.  Their ultimate goal:  to mark their territory and takeover the planet for all of dogkind.  Could our hero escape their canine clutches?  Could he save the Earth from their pawsitively diabolical plan?  Could he phone home without opposable thumbs?

He used an UFO to facilitate his escape -  an unidentified feasted object.  During one ill-conceived experiment, the lab fed our hero some foreign matter that has yet to be identified (possibly underwear?).  Later that evening, Cubby was left under the watchful guard of a couple of, well, guard dogs.  Suddenly, with a loud retching noise, the Dog of Steel Stomach projectile vomited the earlier ingested matter in the direction of the furthest guard, knocking him out.  Using his nuclear-powered paw, he gave a quick double karate chop to the thick neck of the remaining guard dog, sending him to doggy la-la land as well.  He skedaddled out of the lab's lab.

Before he blasted off of the icy rock, he had one final business to attend to.  Well, two pieces of business actually, as he had been cooped up for quite awhile and Cubby is nothing if not a house broken dog.  Finished relieving himself, he used his canine power of smell to sniff out the energy source of the Plutonian empire -  a kibble powered tractor/transport tower.  Cubby, known to have a hankering for kibble, ate the tower.  The Earth, its humans, and man's best friends were spared.  Once again, Suuuu-per Cubby had saved the day.

And with a mighty swoosh, our hero took off into the spacey skies and headed home.  As he zoomed towards Earth, Cubby miscalculated his re-entry speed for his now 60.5 pound frame.  He landed with quite a thud in his own backyard.  He was OK, but his hard landing must have caused the giant hole that was dug up in the flower bed....

.....to be continued......

Family at play

It was cold and rainy in San Clemente,

Coaching my first born, my Kunta Kinte.

Would we play little league in this tsunami?

I did not know, I am no swami.

With our furry portie,

a cute dog named Cubbie,

by the lonely palm tree

peeing like a banshee.

There too, brother Fozzie,

also a wavy portie,

dreaming of life at sea

eating kibble and a cookie.

Lovely bride Stephie

chatting with the paparazzi,

supporting her family

sipping a cool chianti.

And my darling daughter Jilly,

playing by the rhododendron.

Who's making this weather so silly,

ocelot's with a magnutron?

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 2 - The Captive

Superman had his kryptonite. Cubby had his kibble.  As the green ore renders the man of steel powerless, the tasty, crunchy vittles can overwhelemingly distract our canine crusader from all other endeavors.

And so it was that fateful foggy day, when the Balinese buccaneers moored their vessel along the San Clemente pier, in search of a worthy water dog.  To complete their crew, they needed such a pet to retrieve their fishing nets and to chase the scurvy vermin rats off their ship.

The land pirates made their way up into the hills, looking through their looking glasses high and low, until they came across the chubby Cubby.  With his bovine size giving away his weakness, the pirates left a trail of dog food down to the dock of doom.  Fozzie looked on with dismay as Cubby burst out of his playpen to pursue the tempting, tasty trail.  Wagging his tail, the Cubster obliviously  wound his way onto the frigate.  Our hero was quickly enslaved, destined for the hard life of manual doggie labor.

The ship set sail.  And it wasn't a three hour tour.  After several days out at sea, the sailors ran out of kibble. They had to resort to feeding the dog pirate food.  The Arrrrby's was a rare treat, but Cubby emerged from his trance.  At dusk, Cubby managed to slip away and hid out in the ship's bird's nest.  They never found him there because a)who would think to look for a dog in a bird's nest and 2) there was no trail to follow as Portuguese Water Dogs don't shed.  The horsey sauce combined with Cubby's mutated DNA, caused a weird gaseous reaction within his belly.

At th stroke of nightfall, Cubby, with the explosive intestinal chemical build up, his nuclear powered legs, and his aerodynamically designed webbed paws, flew into the sky.  He flew and flew.  First he hit space.  Then he hit outer space.  He kept flying towards the Milky Way, or as it is known in the canine world, the Milky Bone.  Guided by Sirius, the dog star, seriously, our hero kept flying through the cosmos.

Just as he felt safe that he had escaped the Balinese bad boys, and slightly hungry, a translucent teleporter beam tracked onto our fearless fur ball.  Cubby had been abducted by aliens....

....to be continues....

                                                                                        -based on Josh's dream

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 1 - Origins

Born in the barren desert wastelands known as Chandler, the young Portugese water dog soon found a home with a mild mannered yet spastic family.  Said family shortly thereafter moved westward, within close proximity of the San Onofre Nuclear Generation Station -- or more pleasantly referred to as SONGS, an acronym which should soothe the slowly mutating population.  The constant sunshine, moisture in the ocean breeze, and the seeping radiation created a puppy of significant stature, quickly surpassing 60 pounds within his first 6 months.  He also developed the gastro-intestinal fortitude to eat an entire bag of topsoil, among other items not intended for digestion.  Plus, he has webbed paws.  These qualities were only amplified when Cubby acquired his additional, electrifying superpower.


Picture the darling daughter busily entertaining herself, playing Club Penguin on the pc.  As she's petting her puffles (it's part of the game), the ginormous puppy lays peacefully beneath her tootsies.  Quite the idyllic scenario.  Switch to moments later when daughter shouts, "Daddy! The computer turned itself off."  Enter Mwa, only to find, to my dismay, Cubby having chewed through, completely, the ac power adapter cord.  It was shocking - shocking that he didn't electrocute himself.   His two front paws, from the shins down, now glow in the dark, like a furry beacon of goodness.  His luminescent superpower proves useful in warding  off coyote packs, searching for edibles, and providing a nightlight to the bathroom.  Oh yeah, the replacement cord is $35.  Offspring will be computer-less for several days; that will teach 'em.

Faster than a sleeping bullet.

More powerful than two children.

Able to leap tall couches in a single bound.

Look! Down on the floor!

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's SuperCubby!

Yes, it's SuperCubby - strange visitor from another desert who came to California with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. SuperCubby - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare paws, and who, disguised as Young Pup, mild mannered Fozzie's "little" brother, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and Doggie Treats.

My letter to Jillian

Dear Jillybean,

Thank you for a dynamite daddy/daughter day.  You couldn't have been any cuter getting your mani/pedi.  When the lady was buffing your piggies, you couldn't stop from giggling at the ticklish sensations.  You were a very helpful shopper while running my errands.  You were such the little lady when ordering your tomato bisque, Ms. Vicki's bar-b-que chips and a milk from the order taker at Paradise Bakery.  And you were so excited to get your 83rd Webkinz ( a clover puppy, whatever that is - and very generous to get your brother a portie Webkinz that looks just like Cubby).

Seriously, you're a fantastic girl with so much potential. You're so smart and funny.  You're smunny.  You more than hold your own with your big brother (in fact, you might be a little tougher), who I know you adore.  Stay close with him; you'll have a best friend to lean on for the rest of your life.  And when I see you with Cubby, I know you have so much love to give.

The fact that you're beautiful, and I'm not being biased, goes with out saying.  My fear is, with your looks and spunky attitude, that you will be quite the handful in your teen years.  Remember boys are evil and never chase them - let them chase you.  Have good taste because it will have to be somebody extra special to be considered good enough for my princess.  Boys are silly.  Happiness is your first priority, but no boy will define your success.  Whatever you do my favorite Daughter, I'm sure you will continue to fill me with abundant pride and joy.

Remember Mommy and Daddy love you very much.  Have a nice day.

Love,

Daddy

My second post

New Year’s Day.  New beginnings or kick-ass U2 song?  Didn’t exactly bring in the new year with a bang.  Lazy day.  Spent the morning catching up on bills…only to find out that my wife forget to give me a credit card bill from last month.  Decided that bills are getting out of control, so I went out shopping.  Grocery shopping actually.  Didn’t realize it takes two stores to successfully grocery shop.  Walmart for packaged goods and Ralph’s for produce/deli/meat.   My wife misses Super Walmart.

Took the kids to the park, where I threw the ball around with Josh.  I’m going to manage his little league team this spring.  Got to get him over his fear of flyballs.  I’ve managed before at the t-ball level.  It was 10% coaching and 90% getting the field ready and lugging equipment.  Actually, it was organized babysitting.  I’m looking forward to coaching kids with developed skills.  Dealing with the parents in this competitive league might be interesting.

Cubby went to the park too.  Again, Cubby is our 5 month old Portugese Water Dog.  Both his front paws are white.  He strongly resembles Bo Obama.  But if one more person asks me if his name is Socks, I’ll reply, “Is your name Mr. Obvious?”  Cubby likes pouncing on our older PWD Fozzie, who is 12.  Fozzie has had 2 surgeries — one to remove a cancer of the butt and one to remove his spleen, which turned out to be unnecessary–the second surgery, as well as, the spleen.  Anyway, we got the puppy to keep Fozzie spry as well as to time the puppy’s lifespan with when Jillian will go off to college.  Cubby keeps Foz on his toes, but really, old man dog just wants to be left alone.

Spent some time feeding my addiction to various Facebook games.  Got some gas.  For my car.   Went to the bank.  Not the most productive day or start to the year.

Random quote from Jillian: IHOP open 24 hours.  They just keep working and working.