Cruisin' for a bruisin'

One crazy slide.  Escher would be impressed.

So, last week's Carnival Cruise Line's Costa Concordia, which is Italian for cruising to close to the coast,  ran aground off the coast of Italy.  It struck a boulder that's been there since the stone age.  After it was done rock'n and rolling, at least 11 people have died and some 24 are still missing. Now, that's nothing to treat lightly, but hey, this is only a blog post.  Nevertheless, I feel I can no longer call our previously calamitous trip aboard a Carnival ship The Cruise of Doom.  This disaster was way worse, although they got to go to Italy.

The behemoth boat was piloted by Captain Francesco Schettino, which is Italian for Frankly a Shitty Captain.  He didn't even stay with the boat as it was submerging.  It got me to thinking about how other famous captains would have responded:

• Cap'n Crunch - would have simply put a maze on the back of his box to help you find the missing passengers.
• Captain Kangaroo- with Mr Green Jeans and the use of the Magic Drawing Board, he would never had hit that rock.
• Captain and Tennille - never would have abandoned their passengers because "Love will keep us together".
• Captain Underpants - would have saved the day, until he got wet and turned back into the evil Principal Benny Krupp.
• Captain America - didn't really have any super powers, but you know he would have rescued everyone, for America!
• Captain Morgan - well, that's probably what led to the ship getting wasted in the first place.