Folkslore

It's the lake, stupid...

Now kids, here's a story that I have likely told you in the past.  It is a story my Dad (your Poppa) used to tell to me and my brothers (your uncles).  Perhaps it's a story that was told to Poppa Bruce by his father, perhaps not.  Anyway, it's the story of a lake.  Not any lake, mind you, but a magical lake.  And what magical powers did this lake behold, you ask?  Unseen riches?  Horrendous sea serpents?  Republicans?  No, none of these abominations.  It was a magical lake because no matter where we were driving and no matter how far, if we happened to pass a lake, we heard the story of the lake...the story of Lake Stupid.

Now kids, this story takes place back in the olden days - before wi-fi.  Back when Native Americans (what we called Indians) roamed these plains.  Back then, Lake Stupid was a big lake, but not that big that you couldn't see across to the other side.  And on each of these sides, lived two distinct tribes of Indians - the Itchamynee and the Stubayatow.

It came to pass that on one side of the watery body, their lived a young Indian warrior, or brave.  His name was Shortcake.  Now, Shortcake was minding his own business, training with the other braves when he noticed a beautiful, young Indian girl (or squaw) on the other side of the vast lake.  And she noticed him.  It was love at first sight.  They stole glances whenever they passed the lake.  They sent each other smoke signals (kind of like texts).  They did elaborate dances, longing to be together.

Finally, they couldn't bear to be apart any longer.  Our brave, young Brave decided to go after the pretty Squaw.  He set out to swim across the not-so-great lake.  And he swam.  And he swam.  He just kept on swimming.  Progress was slow and tiresome.  Each stroke was getting harder.  But, he kept swimming.  Stroke after struggling stroke.  Shortcake was exactly halfway across the lake.  Halfway to finally joining his Indian soulmate.  Right in the dead middle of the stupid lake. Alas, he was too exhausted.  So, he turned back and swam home.

And that's the story of Lake Stupid.  Now, don't worry kids.  Shortcake and the Squaw eventually got together.  But, that's another story -- a tragic, terribly sad, sad (but short) story.  Because soon after they united, the young Brave died, and Squaw buried Shortcake.