All action, all of the time

    - the California state motto.

Earthquakes, aftershocks, and tsunamis, oh my.  Haiti, Japan and Chile.  More torrential rains and mudslides locally.  Jilly falling asleep (how does one sleep with all this action?) on her brother in the car.  And Josh letting her.  The apocalypse is near.  Could 2012 be accurate?  Begs the question:   why bother blogging?  To leave a written record for a future master race of armadillos or something?  Why is it that Mother Nature reacts so negatively shortly after The Amazing Race or Survivor film on location?  Maybe somebody really doesn't want my little league team to practice.  I'm just saying.  Jilly wonders, "Do they have earthquakes in California?"  Afraid so.  But no hurricanes, blizzards, or ha-boobs.  I could go for a hurricane from Pat O'Briens, right about now.  Jilly would like a blizzard from Dairy Queen.  Nobody wants a ha-boob.  Are the volcanoes and asteroids taking the day off?  Where is Super Cubby when you need him?  Oh yeah, aliens... Confused?  You won't be after this episode of Soap!

The Major: Let's synchronize our watches. It's now... 3-ish. 

---

Ingrid Svenson: You think I'm finished? 

Jessica Gatling Tate: No, Swedish. 

And now, a poem:

Earthquakes and tsunamis


Birth makes for new mommies


Haiti, Japan, and Chile


Fate can be awful silly

Spinning squid, twirling starfish

World like a whirling dervish

A letter from Peeper, circa 1987

Dear Jordan,

Hey, how's it going?  I'm alright.  How's dating life?  Have you met a lot of new girls or a lot of new fists? Don't worry, you'll find someone.

I've been working out.  Benching, curling, doing sit-ups.  My chest is forming lines and circles.  It's pretty geometrical (pretty big word for a chest).

Everyone is still HYPER or SPASTIC.  Crouton is doing good.  He can climb up and down the stairs now.  Isn't that a good little Oui-oui.

When am I going to come down?  We better start planning soon.

Jared is fine.  Getting ready for college.

We got a new snowblower.  It's such a HYPER little thing.

Are you still sick?  I thought college kids weren't supposed to get sick.  I guess I thought wrong.  Good job Peeper.

Well, nothing else is new.  See you in March.

Love,

Justin XXXXXX

The week in review

The lovely bride's SUV, of the 2004 vintage, hit 170,000 miles today.  That's a lot of miles.  If you laid them from end to end, it would cover 170,000 miles.  Going to need a new car or three someday.

The good news this week is that I might have secured a sort of job.  One that gets me out of the house and meeting new guys.  Day trading with a group.  Could be interesting.  Bad news, I might have to skip out on my upcoming trip to AZ to see the P's and a Cubs spring training game.  Went to get fingerprinted today and they copied my license and social security number.  Kind of scary from an identity theft point of view.

Ran a good ll practice earlier in the week.  One of the coaches was overstepping a little bit, but I can deal, especially if he's going to sub-manage for me in the future.  Got a practice tomorrow and our first game that counts on Sunday.  Looks like a rainy weekend.  Come on rain!

License plate du jour:

So, wife and son were driving home from L.A. today, where son might have a second extra role on an upcoming Modern Family episode, when the I-5 was shutdown near San Clemente due to the following explosive news:  a grenade was found on the highway.  It's always something.

UPDATE:  The grenade has been detonated...purposely by the police.

Cool website: befunky.com

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 2 - The Captive

Superman had his kryptonite. Cubby had his kibble.  As the green ore renders the man of steel powerless, the tasty, crunchy vittles can overwhelemingly distract our canine crusader from all other endeavors.

And so it was that fateful foggy day, when the Balinese buccaneers moored their vessel along the San Clemente pier, in search of a worthy water dog.  To complete their crew, they needed such a pet to retrieve their fishing nets and to chase the scurvy vermin rats off their ship.

The land pirates made their way up into the hills, looking through their looking glasses high and low, until they came across the chubby Cubby.  With his bovine size giving away his weakness, the pirates left a trail of dog food down to the dock of doom.  Fozzie looked on with dismay as Cubby burst out of his playpen to pursue the tempting, tasty trail.  Wagging his tail, the Cubster obliviously  wound his way onto the frigate.  Our hero was quickly enslaved, destined for the hard life of manual doggie labor.

The ship set sail.  And it wasn't a three hour tour.  After several days out at sea, the sailors ran out of kibble. They had to resort to feeding the dog pirate food.  The Arrrrby's was a rare treat, but Cubby emerged from his trance.  At dusk, Cubby managed to slip away and hid out in the ship's bird's nest.  They never found him there because a)who would think to look for a dog in a bird's nest and 2) there was no trail to follow as Portuguese Water Dogs don't shed.  The horsey sauce combined with Cubby's mutated DNA, caused a weird gaseous reaction within his belly.

At th stroke of nightfall, Cubby, with the explosive intestinal chemical build up, his nuclear powered legs, and his aerodynamically designed webbed paws, flew into the sky.  He flew and flew.  First he hit space.  Then he hit outer space.  He kept flying towards the Milky Way, or as it is known in the canine world, the Milky Bone.  Guided by Sirius, the dog star, seriously, our hero kept flying through the cosmos.

Just as he felt safe that he had escaped the Balinese bad boys, and slightly hungry, a translucent teleporter beam tracked onto our fearless fur ball.  Cubby had been abducted by aliens....

....to be continues....

                                                                                        -based on Josh's dream

An interview with Josh

What is your name? How old are you?

   Josh.  10

Where do you live?  What is your home like?

   San Clemente.  It looks very unstable, like it's ready to collapse.

What are your favorite things to do?   Do you do them alone or with others?

   Baseball, video games and strategic things.  Both.

What do you like to eat?  What do you dislike eating?

   Mac & cheese and pizza.  Sloppy Joe, pickles and cheese.

What do you think you will do when you grow up?

   Author

What does your family celebrate?  How do they celebrate?

   Hanukah.  Opening presents.

What do you do on your birthday?

   Breakfast in bed and more presents.

What is your favorite color?  Why?

   Blue like the ocean.

Do you have things to do every day that you don’t like doing?  What are they?

   No.

What is your favorite thing to wear?  Why?

   My Cabo shirt because it's soft and looks awesome.

What would be the best thing someone could give you?

   Lots of things.  One million wishes.

What questions do you have for children in other countries?

   Do you like mustard.

Who is your best friend? (and why)

   Max O. because I've known him since 2nd grade and he's the coolest.

Do you think girls/boys have cooties?

   No, girls are awesome (and hot).

Do you have a boy/girlfriend?

   I used to.  Katlyn, until we moved.

What do you think about your brother/sister?
   She doesn't listen to me, but she's funny and cute and I love her.

Who is your meanest friend?

   I don't have a meanest.

Do any of your friends tell you secrets? (what secrets?)

   I used to share secrets with Max, such as who we liked.

Which friend do you think you would marry?

   Katlyn

Who is your prettiest friend?
   Reagan


Favorite Book/Movie/TV?
   Percy Jackson series/Star Wars/Chowder

An interview with Jillian

What is your name? How old are you?

   Jillian. Um, 6.

Where do you live?  What is your home like?

   Saint Clemently.  It's good.

What are your favorite things to do?   Do you do them alone or with others?

   Play on computer and watch tv.  Alone.

What do you like to eat?  What do you dislike eating?

   That's tough, cause I like to eat everything.  Fish.

What do you think you will do when you grow up?

   Invent the flying car of the future (with help from Daddy).

What does your family celebrate?  How do they celebrate?

   Hanukah.  Opening presents and lighting the Menorah.

What do you do on your birthday?

   Have a party.

What is your favorite color?  Why?

   Purple because I'm purple in Club Penguin.

Do you have things to do every day that you don’t like doing?  What are they?

   Yes, school....it wastes my playtime.

What is your favorite thing to wear?  Why?

   Cool T-shirts and pants because I look sparky.

What would be the best thing someone could give you?

   All the webkinz in the world.

What questions do you have for children in other countries?

   Why do you speak different languages?

Who is your best friend? (and why)

  Katie M because she always plays with me on the playground.

Do you think girls/boys have cooties?

   What are cooties?

Do you have a boy/girlfriend? 

   No

What do you think about your brother/sister?

   eh.  Really funny.

Who is your meanest friend?

   Dominick because he's surprisingly mean.

Do any of your friends tell you secrets? (what secrets?)

   Not really.

Which friend do you think you would marry?

   Some other guy.

Who is your prettiest friend?
   Myself.


Favorite Book/Movie/TV
   Diary of a Wimpy Kid/Harry Potter/Tom & Jerry or Fairly Oddparents

That's quacktastic

Here's to my favorite 6 year old, repeating the following joke I told her:

So, I went to the beach and saw a squirrel swimming the backstroke.  I said to the squirrel, "Squirrel, why are you swimming the backstroke?"  And the squirrel said swimmingly, "I wanted to keep my nuts dry."

The awesome adventures of Suuuu-per Cubby the Wonderdog

Chapter 1 - Origins

Born in the barren desert wastelands known as Chandler, the young Portugese water dog soon found a home with a mild mannered yet spastic family.  Said family shortly thereafter moved westward, within close proximity of the San Onofre Nuclear Generation Station -- or more pleasantly referred to as SONGS, an acronym which should soothe the slowly mutating population.  The constant sunshine, moisture in the ocean breeze, and the seeping radiation created a puppy of significant stature, quickly surpassing 60 pounds within his first 6 months.  He also developed the gastro-intestinal fortitude to eat an entire bag of topsoil, among other items not intended for digestion.  Plus, he has webbed paws.  These qualities were only amplified when Cubby acquired his additional, electrifying superpower.


Picture the darling daughter busily entertaining herself, playing Club Penguin on the pc.  As she's petting her puffles (it's part of the game), the ginormous puppy lays peacefully beneath her tootsies.  Quite the idyllic scenario.  Switch to moments later when daughter shouts, "Daddy! The computer turned itself off."  Enter Mwa, only to find, to my dismay, Cubby having chewed through, completely, the ac power adapter cord.  It was shocking - shocking that he didn't electrocute himself.   His two front paws, from the shins down, now glow in the dark, like a furry beacon of goodness.  His luminescent superpower proves useful in warding  off coyote packs, searching for edibles, and providing a nightlight to the bathroom.  Oh yeah, the replacement cord is $35.  Offspring will be computer-less for several days; that will teach 'em.

Faster than a sleeping bullet.

More powerful than two children.

Able to leap tall couches in a single bound.

Look! Down on the floor!

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's SuperCubby!

Yes, it's SuperCubby - strange visitor from another desert who came to California with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. SuperCubby - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare paws, and who, disguised as Young Pup, mild mannered Fozzie's "little" brother, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and Doggie Treats.

Read any good books lately?

Check out my nifty new bookshelf widget over there.  It certainly adds a literary je ne sais quoi to the blog.  In addition to the 8 or 9 must reads, I intend to update it with my current literary selection.  Unfortunately, I am not reading anything at the moment. So far this year, I have read 3 classics and 1 novel novel:

The Jungle by Upton Sinclair - I can not believe that I had never read this before.  The description of the turn of the century meat packing plants putrescence is mind boggling.  And the trials that poor Jurgis persevered is enough to make one cry.  It makes one wonder how are grandparents every survived in the land of milk and honey.  Sinclair had me until the end when the book turned into a socialist manifesto.

Anthem by Ayn Rand -  With Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead being 2 of my favs, it was quite a pleasure to discover this compact, imaginative future portrait.  It was like Rush's 2112 without Geddy, Neil, and Alex.

The Pearl by John Steinbeck - After reading Grapes of Wrath, I have a new appreciation for Steinbeck's writing.  Another compact tale of society's injustice.

Pirate Latitudes by Michael Crichton -  a posthumous pirate tale that should have stayed posthumous, matey.

And as for the required reading (I expect my kids to finish this list before they're driving), in no particular order:

1. The Source James Michener - for anyone who likes history/archeology

2. Exodus/Mila 18 Leon Uris - for my people

3. Tropic of Cancer Henry Miller - for those who want to live life

4. Atlas Shrugged Ayn Rand - for those who want to control their own destiny

5. Good Earth Pearl Buck - for those who value things

6. The Tontine Thomas Costain - the single book (well, 2 volumes) that turned me onto both stocks and/or gambling

7. Catch 22 Joseph Heller - for those with a sense of humor

8. Life of Pi Martel - for those with an imagination

9. Skinny legs and All Tom Robbins - for those who love words

10. Pillars of the Earth Ken Follett - for those who love a good epic

11. No Exit Sartre - for those who love to exist

12. The Phantom Tollbooth Juster - for the kid within, who loves words


13.  Maugham/Hesse - for spiritual odysseys 

14. Hemingway/Fitzgerald/Orwell - for just great writing/storytelling

15. a smattering of Dumas/Hugo - for the francophile within

More Cowbell

Firstly, I'd like to give a big shout out to my P's for watching the two animals....and my dogs.  Thanks for driving out.  Sorry the canines took time to settle down after we left and especially for the dukey in the bedroom.  Didn't get to spend enough time together.  More cocktails!  Didn't even get a game of scrabble in.  Anyway, will see them again in March.  Planning a pilgrimage to Ho Ho Kam.  Go Cubbies.  BTW, placed a twenty on the flubbies to win the whole shebang.

Drove home today.  Pretty straight and easy.  Loved taking the 241 all the way into Oso.  Good to be back from that sin-filled Gomorra.  Spent half our trip (when not giving back the ephemeral winnings), planning our next vacation--a trip to the Bahamas.  And now for a brief psychoanalysis:  this is how my brain works.  Need to focus more on living in the moment, and not on the next place I need to be.  Probably part of my (now mostly latent) type-A personality, but as a blogger I need to appreciate the moment and observe the minutia.  Stop and eat the roses.

Had ll practice today.  It was run by a former Met (boo, hiss) named Lindsey.  Boom boom practice (golf clap).  Raising the bar (and pressure) on me for future practices.  Half of our team is starting to get it going. Josh banged his knee before practice and was not 100% (more mentally than physically, I think).

Speaking of Josh, he went to his first boy/girl cotillion last night.  He did great and had a good time.  Sorry that we missed it.  His grandparents (and little sister) got a big kick out of it.

Guess what?! I've got a fever, and the only prescription... is more cowbell

Mas Vegas

Started the day with some buffet. Strolled City Center. Some real cool architecture. Aria looked chic, with a real masculine looking casino. Nicest looking craps tables I've seen. Unfortunately, not so nice to me. Gambling fun when winning; not so much when you're not. Gave back last nights winnings and then some. Played a little poker at PH. Cards were yucky. Dinner at Mon Ami Gabi. Yum.

Living Las Vegas

Drove to Vegas with my baby today. Vegas, baby. Barstow, Yermo, Zzyzx, and Baker whizzed by. Staying at the PH. Hard Rock/W wannabe. Apparently you don't always double down on 11. Nacho at Serendipity 3. Met the Perry's at Monte Carlo for more gambling and dinner at The Pub. In the end, up 5 hunny by midnight. Vegas baby.

Not GobbledyGook

InFeYvOeUrCoArNdReErApDiTzHzIaSiYnOaUcFhIiGnUeRseErDeOsUtTaTuHrEaCnOtD!E

Happy VD

Survived our first ll scrimmage today...if you count a 21-5 drubbing as surviving.  Josh, actually, did a good job pitching...not much velocity but got the ball over decently.  Coaching was exhausting.

Off to VD dinner at Peking Dragon, yum, with the family.  Steph is miffed, but as I tell her:  everyday is Valentine's when you're married to me.  Besides, we're off to a romantic Vegas getaway in two days.

p.s.:  Cubby ate a week's worth of Max's food in one sneaky sitting.

They're here.....

Best of Baseball (and backups)

And now, for another list.  If I could pick my all-time, all star team, with backups:

First Base

  Hank Greenberg - the Hebrew hammer

  Lou Gehrig - the ironman

Second Base

  Ryne Sandberg - Ryno

  Jackie Robinson - a hero

Third Base

  Pete Rose - hits king, should be in hall

  Alex Rodriguez - will break all records

Shortstop

  Ozzie Smith - the Wiz

  Ernie Banks - Mr. Cubbie

Left Field

  Ricky Henderson - rewrote how to play ball

  Ted Williams - Teddy Ballgame

Center Field

  Joe DiMaggio - here's to you...

  Willie Mays - say hey

Right Field

  Barry Bonds - greatest ever, regardless of steroids

  Babe Ruth - saved baseball

Catcher

  Johnny Bench - no one's come close

  Yogi Berra - it ain't over, 'till it's over...

Pitcher

  Sandy Koufax - Lefty

  Nolan Ryan - best ever

  Tom Seaver - Tom Terrific

  Bob Gibson - intimidating

  Greg Maddux - only Nolan is better

Don't cry for me Orange County

My day so far: dropped the kids at school, dropped the dogs at the groomers, drove up PCH, breakfast with lovely wife at Cafe Zinc in Laguna, short stroll, Ikea, Target, pick up Lexus from dealer, lunch at Surfin' Souvlaki, bank, library, pick up kids pottery, pick up cute dogs, go to bathroom, pick up cute kids, smoothies, & home. And scene.

Still have to go to batting practice, plant some things, and watch a ton of TV. But mostly, I'm looking forward to a visit by my parents on Saturday. Saw them about 6 weeks ago, but can't wait to hang out.

The Tortoise and the Hare - the Rematch

The over-confident Hare, shamed by his infamous loss, demanded a rematch.  The righteous Tortoise relished his title and refused.  The Hare pleaded and prodded to no avail.  At his wit's end, he threatened, "Race me again or I'll use my swiftness to steal away all your tasty turtle eggs."  With so much at stake, the Tortoise relented.  No longer could the slow one solely rely upon his steadfastness, and resorted to subterfuge.  From the get go, the hurried Hare flew forward with a constant eye on the rearward terrapin.  With his hindsight, he did not notice the turtleshell-high razor wire which had been laid across the path.  In the end, the Hare was de-feet-ed.

Ants in the Pants

And now, a limerick:

There once was a boy from Buffalo Grove,

who had incurable shpilkes, by Jove!

Whenever he would settle somewhere,

he could not wait to get out of there.

So he got into his Jaguar and drove.

Super Blah Sunday

Random thoughts:

Yesterday's rain cancelled today's ll practice. Yay.

Our company cancelled at last minute.

F'Brees stinkin' it up early.

Wife makes the best guacamole (said in an autotune voice).

Josh running around like a banshee.

Even the violin playing beaver can get a job.

Maybe it's because I actually wear pants.

Me want to go to the Bud Light Lost island.

How 'bout my wifey making jambalaya and beignets.

Beer here.

Jilly just fell off the couch. She's ok.  No, she wasn't drinking beer.

Watched the puppy bowl. Too cute. After the old man show, of course.

Punxsutawney Palamato (?). Hee hee.

C'mon Saints.

Arcade Fire. Nice

Who dat be singing.  The Who.  The Who be old. Cool laser show.

My letter to Jillian

Dear Jillybean,

Thank you for a dynamite daddy/daughter day.  You couldn't have been any cuter getting your mani/pedi.  When the lady was buffing your piggies, you couldn't stop from giggling at the ticklish sensations.  You were a very helpful shopper while running my errands.  You were such the little lady when ordering your tomato bisque, Ms. Vicki's bar-b-que chips and a milk from the order taker at Paradise Bakery.  And you were so excited to get your 83rd Webkinz ( a clover puppy, whatever that is - and very generous to get your brother a portie Webkinz that looks just like Cubby).

Seriously, you're a fantastic girl with so much potential. You're so smart and funny.  You're smunny.  You more than hold your own with your big brother (in fact, you might be a little tougher), who I know you adore.  Stay close with him; you'll have a best friend to lean on for the rest of your life.  And when I see you with Cubby, I know you have so much love to give.

The fact that you're beautiful, and I'm not being biased, goes with out saying.  My fear is, with your looks and spunky attitude, that you will be quite the handful in your teen years.  Remember boys are evil and never chase them - let them chase you.  Have good taste because it will have to be somebody extra special to be considered good enough for my princess.  Boys are silly.  Happiness is your first priority, but no boy will define your success.  Whatever you do my favorite Daughter, I'm sure you will continue to fill me with abundant pride and joy.

Remember Mommy and Daddy love you very much.  Have a nice day.

Love,

Daddy

The week in review

They say it never rains in southern California.  They lied.  Who are they anyway?  Do they know Pete?  Do they know the way to San Jose?  Do they know who invented liquid soap and why?  To sum up:  this week has been somewhat - what's the word? - oh, crappy.  Not in the sense that anything really terrible happened.  More in the lack of anything happening.  Made no progress on the job front.  Made some premature day trades, which are no longer "day" trades.  Paid bills.  Was going to do some landscaping today, but the mist is mocking me.

I feel like I'm on Lost, leading sideways lives.  Only I'm not hanging with Evangilene Lilly.  I'm enjoying my free time, hanging with the kids, and exploring San Clemente.  I'm never bored.  On the other hand, the angst of not getting a job is eating at me.  Rejections and offer renegs aren't helping.

Held Josh's first real field practice yesterday.  It went well.  Parents played nicely.  Kids did good.  Except they were starting to wonder why Josh wasn't playing in the minors league.  Gonna try to get out and give Josh some extra practice.

Plans for the weekend:  might head to beach, weather permitting, to watch a local surf tournament; another practice sunday morn, which I had to move earlier due to the superbowl which will now cause some kids to be late due to church; veg out and watch the superbowl commercials:  who dat gonna interrupt my commercials?  oh, the game.

Really cool metaphor Josh used in an original story:  tsunami of snot

Sri Lankan Independence Day

Finally had the trees trimmed today.  And now for a haiku:


Dead branches disposed.
Wind whispers through laced green growth.
Tall trees tamely topped.


Hopefully, the trees weren't stressed further.  What do they have to be stressed about anyway?  They live in California for Pete's sake.  Who is Pete anyway?  They don't have to do the rest of the landscaping project, the pruning and the planting.  I do.  Without help from Pete.  At least the Sri Lankans are celebrating.


Jillian to Steph who was typing on the computer:  Is that Microscopic Word?

Happy Candlemas

It was 15 degrees in Gobbler's Knob when Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow and reared his beady little head and declared:  it sucks to not live in California.

Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today. - Phil Connors, Groundhog Day


Did you know:  groundhog's day's roots lie in medieval European weather lore which utilized a badger instead.  We don't need no stinkin' badgers.




Speaking of "no tomorrow":  Today, apparently, my mathnasium gig was revoked because they couldn't deal with my little league commitments.  Ce la vie.  Back to the drawing board.


And finally, an editorial opinion:  The quality of talent at the revered Hooters restaurant emporium has certain sagged declined in recent years.  Once again, thanks to my lovely wife's non-job job, we were able to go out and celebrate Candlemas and my re-unemployment by enjoying some lunch and the scenery at our local Hooters.  Despite the best efforts of Bianca, Rachel and Amberly, both the lunch and scenery were somewhat skanky.


Looking forward to losing myself in Lost tonight.  What better way to finish an eventful Candlemas.

El primero de febrero

If February give much snow A fine Summer it doth foreshow.

- English proverb

January be gone.  Welcome the shortest, darkest of months.  The blog survived its first month, spewing its putrid prose on a daily basis.  Let's see if we can make it through this runt of a month, also home to:   adopt a rescued rabbit month, grapefruit month (really?), bake for family fun month, marijuana awareness month (no relation to the bake for family fun one), national condom month (again, no correlation), national spunky old broads month (no comment), national cherry month (the fruit, people!), pull your sofa off the wall month (can't make this stuff up), jell-o week, love a mench week  and the Olympics.   And now for some more babbling prattle:

Got a much better tree trimming quote today.  Made a day trade.  Showered the ocean stanking Cubster.  Watched the old man show.  Productive day.

Kind of got kind of a job offer.  Mathnasium wants me to tutor 4 days a week, from 3 to 7.  Now they need to see if they can work around my little league schedule.

Had our first batting practice today.  Got some real good little swingers on the team.  2 Dads helped out tonight, one of whom was a little gung ho.  Just realized we have a practice scheduled during the superbowl.  Who dat say dey gonna practice baseball?  Not I.  That will not do.  Not do at all, I say.